- Bumper w/ Music
- Live Intro
- Seg 1
- Define People Pleaser
- An individual that puts the needs of others above their own. They have issues advocating for themselves.
- Comes across as helpful/agreable, while underneath there is lots of pain, trauma, and the need to earn approval.
- Oftentimes they see themselves as inferior, not equal. Has the view that others are more deserving.
- People pleasing is a mental health issue that ultimately affects one's relationships to self and others.(Can be can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as)
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Avoidant personality disorder
- Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
- Codependency or dependent personality disorder
- So how do you know if you are a people pleaser?
- Here are some indications that you may be a people pleaser…
- Desperately want to be liked
- crushed if not liked, obsessed with being friends with everyone
- Making enemies is not an option
- Avoid conflict like the plague
- Conflict brings uncomfortable feelings/emotions
- Wants to make everyone happy
- Always concerned if others are happy or having a good time
- Leads to sacrificing your own needs for others
- Strongly dislike saying no (difficulty saying no)
- People pleasers do not want to let anyone down, esp friends/family
- Apologizes too much
- Looks for approval/validation
- Always looking for approval for ones attire, ideas, and choices
- Looks for praise from others rather than having confidence in oneself
- Don’t want to hurt or upset others
- Despite good intentions, people pleasers will avoid anything that will hurt or upset others
- Being Nice VS People Pleasing
- Having said all that, we should discuss being a nice person vs being a people pleaser, as there is a distinction between the two.
- As humans, helping makes us feel great. Being generous, kind, and helpful gives us purpose.
- Whereas doing things out of fear of rejection, of conflict, or being disliked is clear people pleasing behavior.
- Seg 2
- What drives us to be people pleasers
- Wanting to be loved
- Emotional neglect can foster people-pleasing behaviors.
- Well all want to be loved, the need can make people do anything for that security.
- Negative self-image
- Lack of self-esteem breeds inferiority complexes
- Leads to feelings of not being good enough or less than others.
- Learned behavior
- Simply people pleasing is a coping mechanism
- It's a learned behavior that often comes from childhood; learned from parents or people we looked up to that were also people pleasers.
- Insecurity (Need for safety)
- Oftentimes pleasing people is a response to neglect and or trauma, as a result people pleasers avoid conflict and or risk of conflict at all costs, so as to avoid a potential for being judged, hurt (physically/mentally), and or rejected.
- Trauma
- Painful, traumatic, and or difficult experiences fosters people pleasing behavior. People pleasing is a means of avoiding situations that could trigger traumatic behavior in others.
- Negative effects of being a people pleaser
- Development of passive-aggressive actions due to holding in thoughts and emotions
- Self-neglect due to putting others first
- Development of anxiety and stress from always trying to please everyone, trying to avoid conflict, and or always trying to make others happy.
- Anger & Frustration
- Lack of decision making skills from self-doubt
- Poor communication
- Cultivates unhealthy relationships
- Seg 3
- Ways to disrupt people pleasing behavior
- Acknowledge you are a people pleaser
- Build, Set, Maintain boundaries
- Be assertive
- Ask for helps
- Self acceptance
- Make you a priority, Practice self-love
- Be you. Stop trying to fit in
- Try positive self talk
- Stop assuming
- Communicate your needs
- Identify your patterns. Uncover your triggers
- Say no
- Effective ways to say NO
- Speaking of saying no…
- “No”
- “I’ve got to go with my intuition and say no”
- People relate to following your gut
- Difficult to argue with intuition
- “I wouldn't be comfortable with that”
- Gives a principled reason
- “My team/boss/spouse/family would kill me”
- Could make you look like you are easily swayed or intimidated so use sparingly and appropriately
- “I can't fit that in my schedule”
- You are overcommitted and don't have the time- easy peasy
- “That goes against my morals/principles”
- A firm statement that says both no and that you disapprove
- “I was fired/my predecessor was fired for that”
- This is a way of both saying no and giving a warning
- You’ve got this”
- An affirming way of saying no. It gives confidence and lets them know your assistance is not needed
- Wrap-Up
- Abandon your need to apologize for shit that you have no control over. The sun doesn’t apologize for shining, neither should you.(Quote from Lizzie Moult - from How To Stop People Pleasing - Definitive Guide)
- JUST SAY NO
- https://www.lizziemoult.com/quiz/ ng yourself that you cannot be everything to everyone. Remind yourself that you are deserving, worthy, and its YOUR time to shine.
- Outro w/Music
Resources
How To Stop People Pleasing – The Definitive Guide - By Lizzie Moult
https://www.lizziemoult.com/how-to-stop-people-pleasing-the-definitive-guide/
Discover your People Pleaser Archetype. Take the People Pleaser Personality Quiz
https://www.lizziemoult.com/quiz/
13 Ways to Stop Being a People-Pleaser - By Kima
https://ccbhc.org/13-ways-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/
How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser - By Kendra Cherry
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412
UnF*ck Your Brain Podcast with - Kara Loewentheil
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6K12ZxX1XOZQ1fHFeq6DRI?si=CSzTST49SNmvdhxRlXDtUw
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